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“331 days”

Today marks my 331st day of being a full-time stay-at-home mom. It wasn’t exactly a choice per-say, as much as it was me getting laid off and deciding what the heck, I’m gonna roll with it, become a house wife and stay home with the kids, come what may! While these months have been an overwhelming roller coaster of emotions, meltdowns, and heartache; there’s also been a lot joy, laughter, learning and growing.

When that frightful day came last December, I walked out of those corporate doors alongside my coworkers, as we cried and  hugged, but rejoiced in the thought that this was not goodbye. I knew it was, and I thought to myself, am I the only one thinking logically here, if we didn’t forge a relationship in which we socialized beyond the walls of our employer during my four years employed with the big bank, I doubt we’ll be meeting up for coffee and scones anytime soon.

And I cried, oh yes I cried, and that is because I understood the totality of being laid off. Getting laid off, and deciding to stay home to a 31 year old mother (well 31 331 days ago at least), means three things. 1) Losing a great group of friends, who know who I am when I’m not momming, or who I am when I’m done being nice to rude customers. It also means losing a handful of marriage therapists, because lets face it, we all use our co-workers advice on our marital problems.2) I have just said goodbye to my financial independence and hello to the 50’s, as now my husband will be my provider and let’s face it my financial dictator as he will be monitoring every dollar I spend. 3) This means no more breaks from the kids. I know work is work, but secretly I think every mom sort of treats going to work like a mini vacation.

This of course was all  forethought on what was to come, because ‘I understood the totality of it all.’ Ha, so I thought. You see there’s knowing and then there’s just knowing. And I get that that makes absolutely no sense, but I thought I knew what was to come, but when it all came, it was like smacking into a brick wall. I had no idea about the emotional, financial, and spiritual roller coaster I was about to ride. Six months into my new job as a full-time mom, I just gave up, I thought for sure I was just going to be a miserable mess until both my kids turned 18, but 331 days later, here I am, still holding strong and happy with my life.

Now that I’ve figured out that it’s not all bad, I’ve found ways to to pass the time, ways to make my family happier, and ways to improve my inner crazy. And if you want to read all about it, stick around, there’s plenty to share.

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